On Vidai brides father hands a note to
> > > > the groom...
> > > Which read.."Goods once delivered will
> > > > not be taken
> > > back"
> > > Groom gives a note to the father of the
> > > > bride that read.... > > > "Guarantee void if seal is broken"
> > > >******************************************************
> > > Have Sex Daily
> > > Jab Bhi Mili Wo Akeli,
> > > Wo Nahin To Uski Saheli,
> > > Saheli Nahin To Apni Hatheli...
> > > But have Sex Daily.
> > > >******************************************************
> > > What did an impotent man ask the
> > > > sexologist?
> > > Thoda sa to lift kara de, ek nahi baar
> > > > baar kara de.
> > > >******************************************************
> > > Sex is a sensation caused by
> > > > temptation, a man puts
> > > his dicktation into womens ventilation;
> > > > get my
> > > conversation or need a demonstration.
> > > >******************************************************
> > > When a Sardar was asked why he was
> > > > beaten in a public
> > > place, Sardarji said-
> > > "I was in crowded bus and my Photo fell
> > > > from wallet,
> > > so I asked lady in front "madam",
> > > > Please lift sari I
> > > want to take photo."
> > > >******************************************************
> > > What similar things do you prefer in
> > > > your coffee and
> > > your girlfriend?
> > > [a] Both Should be HOT
> > > [b] Both Should be RICH
> > > [c] Both Should be creamy
> > > [d] Both should be able to keep you up
> > > > all night
> > > >******************************************************
> > > What frustrates a Sardar?
> > > When his wife delivers twins & he can't
> > > > find the father
> > > of the second child.
> > > >******************************************************
> > > [Q] What is a Kiss?
> > > [A] A Kiss is an upper preparation for
> > > > a lower invention that will lead to
> > > further penetration in fast
> > > > acceleration that will build next
> > > generation
> > > >******************************************************
> > > "Hey, Mom," asked Johnny "can you give
> > > > me twenty
> > > dollars?"
> > > "Certainly not."
> > > "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you
> > > > what dad said to the
> > > maid when you were at the beauty shop."
> > > His mother's ears perked up and,
> > > > grabbing her purse,
> > > she handed over the money. "Well? What
> > > > did he say?"
> > > He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you
> > > > wash my socks
> > > tomorrow.' "
> > > >******************************************************
> > > >******************************************************
> > > A little boy walks into his parents
> > > > bedroom to find his mother
> > > on top of his
> > > father, humping up and down.
> > > The mother spots her son and dismounts
> > > > as the boy
> > > leaves the room.
> > > Worried about what her son has seen,
> > > > the mom quickly
> > > dresses and goes to find him in his
> > > > bedroom.
> > > The son asks, "What were you doing to
> > > > Daddy, Mom?" The Mom
> > > replies,"Well,
> > > you know how Dad has a big tummy?"
> > > The boy answers, "Yes he sure does."
> > > "Well, I have to get on it sometimes to
> > > > help flatten it,"
> > > explained Mom.
> > > The boy says, "You're just wasting your
> > > > time, that will never
> > > work."
> > > The Mom is confused, "Why not, son?"
> > > "Because whenever you go shopping, the
> > > > lady across the
> > > street comes over, gets down on her
> > > > knees in the
> > > bedroom, and blows his tummy back up!"
> > > >******************************************************
> > > >******************************************************
> > > >******************************************************
>Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
> >Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
>Banta Singh : Ok
>Interviewer : Made in India
>Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
>Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
>Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down
>Interviewer : Maxi Mum
>Banta Singh : Mini Dad
>Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
>Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't take my seat
>Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
>Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my seat
>Interviewer : I say you get out!
>Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
>Interviewer : I reject you!
>Banta Singh : You appoint me
>Interviewer : ....!!!!!!!
> >**************************************************************
>BEPPO SINGH WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL.
>Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
>Beppo Singh: 9
>Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
>Beppo Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the
>figure, the answer is 6!
> >**************************************************************
>Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Amritsar. Raju from Chennai applied for the same job and both
aplicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions.
> >The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, >but we've decided to give the job to Raju".
>>Santa: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!"
>>Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong."
>>Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" >>Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Raju put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'.
>>************************************************************** >>SANTA'S INTERVIEW Santa Singh, who has a bad memory, goes for a job >>interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.
>>"So, can you tell us your age, please?" Santa counts carefully on >his fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um .. 28." The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the >ice.
> >>"And can you tell us your height,please?" The man stands up and produces a measuring tape from his bag. He then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot four!"
> >>This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something that he won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
>>"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
> > Santa Singh bobs his head from side to side for about fifteen >seconds, mouthing something silently to himself,before replying, >"Santa Singh!"
> > >>The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks,
>>"What were you doing when I asked you your name?"
> >>"Oh, that!" replies Santa," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'"
>>************************************************************** >>ANOTHER CHANCE
>>>Banta Singh has been attending the Singh International Training >>College, a school set up to give the likes of him a chance to make
>>it in the real world. For 10 years, he keeps failing this one class
>>that he needs to graduate: basic math. The administrators want to
>>get him out to make room for new students, but can't just give him
>>the grade. So, they instead decide to ask him a simple math
>>question at the >graduation ceremony in case he fails at exams.
>>If he answers this correctly, he graduates. Sure enough, he fails the class again.
>>But, this time he is called on stage. He is made to stand before everyone and the administrators say, 'Although you lack one class for graduation, we have decided to pass you if you can answer this one question. What is two plus two?' > >>Banta Singh thinks about it for a while and finally says, 'Four.' The whole crowd (Sardars) stands up in objection and demands, 'Please give him another chance!'
> >************************************************************** >>
MERE HAATH MEIN KYA? Once a sardar asks another sardar... Sardar >>#1: Tell me what's in my hand? And if you're right, then I will >>give this button to you. Sardar #2 (Tthinking): No not like this. >>Give me some sort of clue. Sardar #1: Okay! This thing is round in >>shape. Sardar #2 (Again thinking): Many things are round in shape. >>Give me another clue. Sardar #1: This thing has 4 holes in it. >>Sardar #2: I got it. I got it. Sardar #1: Bol to kya hai mera hath >>mein. Sardar #2: Scooter ka paiya. (Wheel of a scooter) > >************************************************************** >>SANTA SINGH'S MESSAGE BOARD Santa Singh was walking on the road and >>paused to read the graffiti on the wall. > It read 'Padne waala gadha.' (one who reads this is an ass) > >>Santa Singh sat on a nearby bench, and after much thought erased it >>and wrote 'Likhne waala Ghadah'. (One who wrote this is an ass) > >************************************************************** > >>BANTA SINGH IN HEAVEN After death, Banta Singh reached the door of >>the heaven smoothly. There he met Saint Peter and he said, 'Well, >>Banta...It is nice to talk to you but we have changed our policy >>these days. I will ask you a question and you need to answer it >>correctly before you go in.' > >>Banta, with lot of self confidence told Saint Peter to go ahead and >>ask him the damn question. Saint Peter - How many seconds are there >>in a year? Banta, after lot of thought, answered,'12'. Astonished >>Saint Peter asked him - But how? > Banta - January 2nd,February 2nd,March 2nd,.......... > > >************************************************************* >>SARDARJI & TELUGU One day a Sardarji talking with his friend....... >>Sardarji: We have to learn Telugu within 6 months or we will not be >>able to communicate with my child. Friend: Is it! Why? Sardarji: We >>have adopted a telugu child and it will start to speak >after 6 months. > >************************************************************** > >>GARY KASPAROV MEETS BANTA Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow >>to Bhatinda. Seated besides >him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play >chess to kill time. > >>Banta: 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't > compete with a world champion' > >>Gary: 'How about if I play left handed ?' Banta: [Think.. Think..] >>'OK!' Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset >>through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend >>Santa Singh. > >>Banta: Hey! You know what! I played Chess withGary Kasparov and he >defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed..... > >>Santa: Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! >>Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!! > >************************************************************** >>CHEATING... Q: How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways? > A: He buys the ticket but doesn't travel > >************************************************************** >>One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing > his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way... > >>Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I >>forgot to bring the scooter key from my home. Friend: 'Is it! Then, >>How did you come to office from home in the > morning?' > >>Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the > morning ! >************************************************************** > ek baar ek aadmi ki biwi mar jaati hai. shaam tak log uska kriya-karm kar ke chale jaate hai. > > shaam ko woh aadmi akele baith ek peg lagaa raha hota hai > > tabhi itne mein achanak se baadalon ke garajne aur bijli ke chamakne ki aawaazein aane lagti hain....... > > aur hawaa >>saaaiyaaan-saaaiyaaan kar ke chalne lagti hai.... > > bhayankar >>toofan aane waala lagtaa hai ... > > admi kuch der to bhaunchaakkka >>reh jaata hai ... > > aur phir thodi der mein upar dekh ke, >>mand-mand muskurate huye kehta >hai
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"lagtaa hai pahoonch gayi !!" > > >
A Wish... A man walking along a California beach was deep in >>prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." >>Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the >>Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all >>ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to >>Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your >>request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for >>that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom >>of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, >>but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. >>Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think >>would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long >>time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. >>I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when >>they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean >>when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." >>The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that >>bridge?"
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"lagtaa hai pahoonch gayi !!" > > >
A Wish... A man walking along a California beach was deep in >>prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." >>Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the >>Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all >>ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to >>Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your >>request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for >>that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom >>of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, >>but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. >>Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think >>would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long >>time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. >>I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when >>they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean >>when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." >>The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that >>bridge?"
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