Funny Jokes

Enjoy................

How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways??
He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!

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BANTA SINGH - BEST OF ALL

Friend: What are you looking at?
Banta Singh: I know your Password, hee, hee.
Friend: all right, what is my Password if you saw it?
Banta Singh: four asterisks!

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Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Banta Singh: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Banta Singh: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

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Banta Singh: (crying) the doctor called, my mother is dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
After 2 minutes Banta Singh cries even louder Friend: what now?
Banta Singh: my sister just called, her mother died too!

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Jasmeet Kaur watched her husband Santa Singh searching high and low, all over the living room. She asked him: "What are you so frantically searching?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "Or else, every few minutes, how is that guy on television Saying you are watching the Star World channel'? "How can he know what I am watching?"

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Titanic is sinking.... Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to god...
Just then an Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles.
Italian : Only two miles!?.... then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
Sardarji : ??????.....

(The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again)
Italian : Just tell me which side, land is two miles from here?
Sardarji : Downwards

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A man his crying besides a grave. Seeing this a gentleman approaches him, and says to him Sir I have not seen anybody crying so painfully .who was the deceased person ?

Was she ur wife,son,or any of ur parent ?

No the man replies .it was my wife’s first husband .

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God made man then he rested,

God made women and from then

Nobody rested .

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This dog , is dog, a dog, good dog, dog way.,to dog, dog keep,dog an, dog idiot,dog busy,

for dog ,dog 20, seconds 20 . now read the sentence without the word dog

this is a good way to keep an idiot busy for twenty seconds.

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Did u ever notice that when u r driving,

Any one driving slower than u is an idiot,

Any one driving faster than u is an maniac,

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What is the difference between woman and a battery ?

A battery has a positive side .

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WOMAN – the most efficient money reducing agent known to mankind..

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Marriage is a three ring circus

1.Engagement ring

2.wedding ring

3.Suffering.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man or wife u would have preferred.

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Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I was born beautiful, but what the hell happened to u

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A small boy is asking his dad to serve him a cockroach for lunch, his dad refuses for some time but agrees later, he gets hold of a cockroach and gives it to his son

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Son : mujhe yeh fry kiya hua chayee.

Dad : O.k.

Son : ab usay namak aur masala lagao .

Dad : O.k.

Son :ab main akela kaisa kahaon aap pehlay taste karo,phir main khaonga.

Dad : O.k. ,beta ab tum kahaon

Son : main nahin kahne wala ,kyonki yeh to aapne isay joota kar diya hai .

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One day a dog was running behind a sardar...

But the SARDAR was laughing..

One man asked why u r so happy?

He said...

HA HA HA....Mere paas Airtel mobile hai...

But Still Hutch network is following 

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Santa comes home one night and his

  wife Jeeto throws her arms around

  neck, "Darling, I have a great news

  I'm a month overdue. I think we're

  going to have a baby! The doctor gave

  me a test today, but until we find

  out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

  The next day, a guy from the electric

  company rings the doorbell, because

  they hadn't paid their last bill.

  "Are you Mrs Santa? You're a month

  overdue, you know!"

  "How do you know?" stammers Jeeto.

  "Well ma'am, it' in our files!" says

  the man from the electric company.

  "What are you saying? It's in your

  files????"

  "Absolutely."

  Well, let me talk to my husband about

  this tonight."

  That night, she tells Santa about the

  electrician's visit and Santa mad as

  a bull, rushes to the electric

  company's office, next morning.

  Santa, "What's going on here? You

  have it on file that my wife is a

  month overdue? What business is that

  of yours?"

  "Just calm down," says the clerk,

  "it's nothing serious. All you have

  to do is pay us."

  Santa, "Pay you? And if I refuse?"

  "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have

  no option but to cut you off."

  "And what would my wife Jeeto do

  then?"

  I don't know. I guess, she'd have to

  use candle."

Awesome Photography

Similarities

This is Amazing....

1. Are they ships or pillers!!!!


2.Are they audiences or buildings ?????



3.How many horses are there in this picture? Should find 7



4.How many people are there ????????

5.Impossible ring

6.live carpet



7.water fall or human fall???



8.In the forest there are five hidden deers....... .Can you find all of them???????? ?



9. How many pillers are there ,three or two ???????????
Look at the middle column.
Where does it end?



10.DO YOU SEE FOUR PEOPLE?



11.Who is the tallest?



12.A face? ... Or, the word 'liar' ?


13.NEXT:
What do you see here?
Do you see the word "LIFT"?
Or, a bunch of black splotches ?



15.NEXT? FIND THE FACES:



16.THE LAST ONE: FOCUS ON THE DOT!

An Old Story

An Old Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

New Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,

..AND

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!! ! :) :) :)

Nice One !!!

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She Noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on Account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant..

She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick'.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.'

The case was dismissed………!!!

Best Statues around the world

Dont mess with a child

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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."


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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".



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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



Ever dont mess with a child...

Transparent Butterfly

Transparent Butterfly